Everyone is talking about Manchester City and a possible expulsion from the Premier League. Sounds like horseguff to us, and nothing much is actually happening but it’s the talk of the town so let’s lean into it. Expulsion is certainly a hefty punishment, but it’s a bit by-the-book. It lacks spice. Here are 10 far more suitable punishments if/when any of those 115 charges ever actually manage to stick.


 
10) Everyone gets to loan Erling Haaland for a game The charges might pertain to the period between 2009 and 2018 but Manchester City’s financial impropriety extended well into 2022 with the £213m signing of Erling Haaland.
It really is only fair that each Premier League team gets to borrow him for a game now. The Norwegian has to spend the remainder of the season testing the limits of Chelsea’s striker curse, showing what Arsenal would look like with A Proper Striker, winding everyone up alongside teammate Neal Maupay and scoring last-minute equalisers for Luton.
 
9) Manchester City must revert to their most recent pre-charge squad Another requirement is for the band to be reassembled. The Manchester City which operated under Thaksin Shinawatra’s squeaky clean ownership is the default setting here and the current squad must be replaced by the crop of 2008/09.
Related video: Guardiola's first Man City XI: where are they now? (Soccer Stories)

It means the formidable punditry and podcasting careers of Micah Richards, Daniel Sturridge and Nedum Onuoha are put on hold, Stephen Ireland is welcomed back with open arms, Darius Vassell returns to a reception akin to his Ankaragucu days and Felipe Caicedo reclaims his status as the Premier League’s pre-eminent Caicedo. Shaun Wright-Phillips and Elano could absolutely still do a job. Vladimir Weiss and Sturridge are still only 34. That side finishes mid-table at worst, it’s not so bad.
 
8) Manchester City must face previous title rivals in one-off Winner Takes All games
When all this brouhaha kicked off, Sky Sports News helpfully laid out the powers possessed by the independent commission to which the Premier League has referred the alleged City breaches. The short version is ‘an arseload of powers’.
The longer version was that City could: be suspended from playing league matches; have points deducted; be expelled; be ordered to pay compensation; have player registrations cancelled. Then there was the magnificently vague addendum that the commission can ‘make such other order as it thinks fit’. Meaning the rest of the list was all rather meaningless: they can do whatever they want! Oof!


But the most eye-catching sanction went unexplained: ‘recommend to the board that league matches be replayed’. What, whole seasons? No, that would be too silly. And we don’t want to do anything silly here.
The only sensible interpretation of that is this: Manchester City have to play one-off matches against the teams they beat to the Premier League trophy to decide the ultimate winner of that specific season’s title race. Phil Jones gets to fight for 2011/12 justice again. Aly Cissokho, Iago Aspas and Joe Allen all return to Liverpool for one last chance at slipping the 2013/14 medal into Steven Gerrard’s pocket. And…
 
7) Jose Mourinho gets an uninterrupted hour-long press conference to celebrate his finest achievement The shiniest penny for the thoughts of Jose Mourinho, who already deemed finishing a distant second with Manchester United, all of 19 points behind The Centurions in 2018, as one of his finest career achievements.

Gary Cotterill – or heaven help us Piers Morgan – is almost certainly already setting wheels in motion to capture the soundbite of Mourinho demanding respect while holding up four fingers to represent each of his hard-fought Premier League titles and insisting Luke Shaw be stripped of his medal before he is even awarded it.
 
6) Initiate the Robinho Protocols
We all remember it, don’t we? A newly-minted Man City, giddy at the takeover news and with piles of filthy lucre burning holes in their pockets, went scrambling around on deadline day desperate to make A Statement Signing. And they didn’t much care who it was.
A confused, bewildered Robinho was the man to walk through the doors that day in early September 2008, fitting the bill quite perfectly for City. A Brazilian superstar! Signed from Real Madrid of all places! This is the good stuff.

It gave an early, and sadly misleading, glimpse of what moneybags City might be like. Buying any old player for any old amount of money as long as the profile was high enough. Irritatingly, City soon struck on the formula of instead buying really good, entirely suitable players for high but not obscene prices, and only very recently – now it’s too late and they’re already properly good – shown any inkling of going back to those early days of wild spending on unsuitable players.
One of the best stories about the Robinho transfer is that he didn’t realise at the time there were two clubs in Manchester and thought he was signing for United. It’s almost certainly apocryphal of course, but we shan’t let that stop us.
The rules with this punishment are clear. City can sign absolutely anyone they want, but only if that player has genuinely never heard of them and believes he is joining United. What’s good here is that City’s decade and a half of success hoists them upon their own petard here. It’s perfect.

 
5) Pep Guardiola is forced to stay through the relegations
‘Whatever league we are in, I will still be here. Even if they put us in League Two, I will still be here. This is a time for sticking together,’ Pep Guardiola is alleged to have told his Manchester City players when UEFA tried to get their own FFP charges to stick in February 2020.
When a proposed Champions League ban was overturned that July he publicly outlined his commitment to the potentially sullied cause, stating: ‘My personal situation was clear. I said a month ago I would stay and it didn’t matter if we were in the Champions League, or like a lot of people here in England suggested League Two. I would have stayed here.’
It is time to see whether Guardiola is a man of his word. The Spaniard must lock horns with Steve Evans on the touchline, devise a plan to thwart fourth-tier stalwart Jamille Matt, brave the food at Priestfield Stadium and cheer as the ball goes through that hole in the Bishop Street Stand at Mansfield. It’s the only way to make this right.

 
4) Guardiola is banned from falling out with any of his players for a whole season And his starting line-up has to be formed of players he has clashed with previously before banishing and then selling. Joe Hart; Danilo, Jason Denayer, Joao Cancelo; Jadon Sancho, Yaya Toure, Samir Nasri, Raheem Sterling; Wilfried Bony has the makings of a solid side before chucking in the disappointingly rehabilitated Bernardo Silva.
 
3) Guardiola can only play a basic 4-4-2 with every player in their natural position in Champions League knockout games Overthink that, you big daft sod. It’s probably more of a blessing than a punishment but still.
 
2) All the Carabao must be returned We’ve gone further than this already and redistributed every single ill-gotten pot City have accrued since 2008, but we find ourselves most viscerally determined to restore the good name of the Carabao. Plus the teams denied are more interesting than your Manchester Uniteds, your Liverpools and the Real Madrids of this world who mainly benefit from the rest of it.

While the wider focus remains on the fate of the Premier League titles Manchester City won in the period under investigation, of far more pressing concern are the Carabaos they gulped over those nine years. Sunderland, Liverpool, Arsenal, Chelsea, Aston Villa and Tottenham were beaten at Wembley in first Manuel Pellegrini and then Guardiola’s relentless pursuit of the fabled energy drink but the only viable solution is to confiscate them.
No-one wants their Mango Burst or Orange Blast to be tainted and this whole sorry affair has brought the proud, distinguished name of Carabao into unforgivable disrepute.
 
1) Some legal name changes Bald Fraudiola confirmed as the manager of Manchequebook City at the Emptihad. It has to be. Lean into it. Own it.
Every time a journalist asks about the charges at a press conference just give them the old “I’m so happy, more than you believe,” followed by a stare deep into their soul. Appoint Manuel Akanji as the club’s official accountant and make Scott Carson CEO. Keep making more revenue than all other clubs. Double down. Accept the £10m fine and crack on, you cowards.

Messi did not ‘care’ about Ronaldo because ‘he was the best’ so rivalry was ‘not his priority’

Gerard Pique has revealed Lionel Messi did not “care” about Cristiano Ronaldo while he was playing at Barcelona as “he was the best” and therefore the rivalry was “not his priority.”
Messi and Ronaldo spent the best part of a decade going head-to-head in La Liga. The former played for Barcelona from his debut in 2004/05 until leaving for Paris Saint-Germain in 2021/22.


His rival joined Real Madrid ahead of the 2009/10 season and left for Juventus in 2018/19. That the pair played for the two biggest sides in world football, and therefore the biggest sides in La Liga, they were often compared to one another.
The fantastic performances of the other one surely made each player better, and they ruled world football for a long period. Amid the rivalry, Messi won the Ballon d’Or eight times, with Ronaldo taking it home on five occasions.

Messi did not care about Ronaldo

That both men were so good suggests they would have wanted to get one over on the other. However, according to Messi’s former Barcelona teammate Pique, the forward was unbothered by what Ronaldo was doing in his career, as he knew he was the best.
“Did Messi care about Cristiano Ronaldo? No, he was not that type of guy,” Pique told talkSPORT.
Related video: Ranking Every Lionel Messi Ballon d'Or | FourFourTwo (FourFourTwo)

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“He was focused on the team. Even when he was on always on the front page radio, TV, he was only focused on winning trophies for the team.
“At the end of the day, because he was the best then, he was winning the Ballon d’Or. But it was not on his priority.”

Ronaldo added goals to compete

Pique does feel Ronaldo changed the way he played, though not because of Messi – simply because of a desire to become one of the best players in the world.
“At United when I played with him, he loved to do tricks and was very skilful. But I assumed he realised that at Real Madrid, if you want to be the best, you have to score a lot of goals,” Pique added.
Ronaldo very clearly added the ability to score lots of goals into his game, not that he was not a good goalscorer before he went to Real.
In six seasons at Manchester United before that move, Ronaldo had bagged 118 goals, including 42 in all competitions in 2007/08 – he won the Ballon d’Or that year.

Then, in nine seasons with Real, the Portuguese bagged 450 goals – more than a goal a game – and added 131 assists for good measure, cementing himself as one of the best ever.
READ MORE: Real Madrid-bound Kylian Mbappe confirms transfer announcement plan amid Perez signing promise

‘Best in the world’ Arsenal defender told he ‘deserves’ more after France manager’s honest admission

Frank Leboeuf believes William Saliba “deserves” more of a chance for France, as he’s the “best defender in the world right now” but Didier Deschamps clearly doesn’t see it like that.
Saliba has been a consistent figure in the Arsenal defence for the past two seasons. He spent a few loan periods away from the Emirates, but as soon as he was deemed good enough by Mikel Arteta, he became a starring figure.

It was evident that the Gunners missed him when he was injured at the back end of last season, and that counted against them in the title race. Saliba is yet to miss a Premier League minute this term, and his club are top of the table.
But while he’s a vital figure for Arsenal, he’s not yet earned that same status with France. The 23-year-old has only ever started six games for his country, and he watched on from the bench as France were beaten 2-0 by Germany last time out.
According to Leboeuf, it’s hard to see why he’s not currently getting many games, as he’s the best defender on the planet right now.
“I agree. That’s a real question, for me. I don’t understand why Saliba isn’t playing all the time. He showed to the world that he is the best defender in the world right now, well, the best French defender playing for a big club,” he told ESPN.
Related video: Simon Collings reacts to Arsenal penalty shootout drama (Dailymotion)

“I don’t know why he isn’t playing there. He is absolutely tremendous. He should deserve the chance to show it at that level.”
Indeed, the pundit feels France boss Deschamps needs to identify his best defence, and clearly believes Saliba is in that.
“It’s like Didier Deschamps is wondering who is the best duo at centre-back. He tried something else [during defeat to Germany]. Didier has to find the right four players to play as defenders. When he does so, we will be very strong,” he added.
Deschamps’ recent comments on Saliba brutally suggest he does not see the defender as one of the best in the world, at least not at international level.
“He is having a good season, but he also does things that I don’t like so much,” he said.
“For France, he has limited game time, but when he plays, that hasn’t necessarily gone well. The hierarchy doesn’t favour him at the moment, but he is here. Dayot Upamecano has had game time and perhaps William has had less.”
It’s suggested Saliba will have a chance for France in their friendly against Chile, though, and that could help him to rise up in Deschamps estimations.
READ MORE: Saliba could join Mbappe in missing Olympics if Arsenal block his call-up to keep him for start of season

Liverpool urged to stop exodus by naming next boss soon as concern raised over star trio exit

Liverpool have been told they should name their next manager as quickly as possible amid concerns about the likes of Mohamed Salah, Virgil van Dijk and Trent Alexander-Arnold following Jurgen Klopp out the door.
The German manager announced in January that he’ll be vacating his post at Anfield at the end of the season. His departure will bring the curtain down on a nine-year career at Liverpool.
He’s won the Premier League and the Champions League among other trophies, created a lasting bond with the fans and developed some world-class stars.
The concern from this point, according to Ally McCoist and Jeff Stelling, is that some of those players could follow him out the door, and a new manager should soon be announced to ensure they remain motivated by the Liverpool project.
“Of course they should, no doubt about it. The natural thing when you lose a person as influential with the quality that Klopp has had, you have got to be concerned about your playing staff that others follow,” McCoist said on talkSPORT.
“The one thing you would say is that in recent months he hasn’t half brought some of the youngsters in, so you could argue he is leaving the club with a good sound base but you do not want to start losing a Salah and Van Dijk and Trent.”
Related video: How Liverpool Have Reinvented Mo Salah To Win The Premier League (FourFourTwo)

season and laid on 8 assists for his teammates.

Stelling believes naming the next boss will at least ensure players know where they stand, but if Liverpool already know who that man is but he’s at another club, they may still have to wait so as to not put them in a tough spot.
“Maybe, if they have got their new man nailed down, they should start naming the manager now so that the players know what they are getting,” Stelling said.
“If that’s possible I agree with you, however, the new manager they might want to name may be at a different club at this moment in time and they don’t want to release that information,” McCoist added.
It seems unlikely players will be driven to leave just because Klopp will no longer be there, but other factors could add to that.
In any case, Liverpool still have a very good squad and a very good chance at success whoever is at the helm.
READ MORE: Michael Edwards follows Man City lead as Liverpool opens talks with Ligue 1 side

Arsenal star promises to ‘speak to Ben White’ over England future after Southgate conversation

Arsenal star Declan Rice has promised to “speak to Ben White” when they are back at the club in the hope that he’ll “change his mind on England” after speaking to Gareth Southgate about his future.
White has been piled on in the media after deciding he did not want to be picked by the Three Lions. Southgate suggested he’d have picked him on good club form in his latest squad, but the defender made it clear he would not play.
The reaction to that decision has been largely negative, with the player being called out for not wanting to represent his country, but reports of a fallout with assistant coach Steve Holland also tell part of the story.
In any case, while he’d likely have played a part against Brazil last time out following Kyle Walker’s injury, it does not look as if White will put on an England shirt any time soon unless he changes his mind.
His Arsenal teammate, Rice, believes there’s a chance that happens, as he wants to talk to White about his decision when he’s back at the club.
“When I go back to Arsenal, I’ll speak to Ben White… and hopefully he does change his mind on England,” Rice told media ahead of England’s next game.
“It’d be a great addition to the squad. But it’s Ben’s decision and Ben’s life.”
The Three Lions midfielder also suggests White and Southgate have spoken about his desire not to be selected.
Related video: Rice to captain England as Toney set to start (Reuters)

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“I know Ben and Gareth spoke internally about it… I just hope he changes his mind. He’s such a good guy, he’s an unbelievable footballer,” he added.
According to reports, the Arsenal defender went through his club’s sporting director, Edu, to inform Southgate of his decision.
As such, it’s not clear if he and the England boss have actually had a conversation about his reasons for not wanting to be picked, and the longevity of that decision.
Rice, who will captain the Three Lions on his 50th cap against Belgium, is already displaying the diplomacy that comes with captaincy by attempting to ensure a star player is on his side.
He has already been hailed as a leader at Arsenal, and will now have the chance to show his true leadership qualities on the biggest stage.
READ MORE: Arsenal: Ben White slammed for ‘playing cards on the beach’ while England lost to Brazil