No longer a victim

I'll never again have innocence because where there was once love, there is only agony today.
My childhood was stolen from me, along with everything else that was nice.

I still cry some mornings, while on other occasions I snuggle up and wish to pass away.
I lay there screaming, with a knife at my throat and a hand on my behind, but the pain doesn't go away.

If I tell my mum and dad the truth and tell them he's bad, he threatens to murder them.
After he's through, I don't even argue; instead, I sit there crying for the rest of the evening.

Now that my parents have returned through the door, I can stop being his victim.
In order to shield them from seeing what happened to me, I must conceal it.

I'm a lifeless shell of a boy, damaged within, and I'm simply his plaything.
I lay on the floor feeling as though I am going to die as my parents leave and he returns for more.

The anguish only continues getting worse, like a bottomless hole, and never gets any better.
He opens the door and exits once more, telling them to be ready for him later.

I keep lying while trying to mask my internal suffering and wonder why I shouldn't have passed away.
But it's becoming more and clearer that I can no longer be his victim.

I take the knife when he comes back and tell him to leave and get out of my life.
My parents come home and see how hurt I am, but I managed to prevent it from happening again.

I tell them the truth about what occurred to me, and they apologize after realizing their error.
However, I am still devastated since I continue to see him and experience sorrow because I am still a victim.

The nights I was raped will never leave me; they are now a part of who I am.
It's been too long; I can't get justice; but it's not my fault; he did something wrong.

I'm hoping that after I recover, I'll finally be able to take him down.
Finally, I'll give up the pretense of youth now that you know and are aware of the truth.

I make a pledge to myself that I'm no longer the little boy who was sexually assaulted on the floor.